it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
