ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
