my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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