Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I forget how to act sober
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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