I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
