Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
