I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
