Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
