Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize