My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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