Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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