We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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