fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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