There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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