then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
