im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
