I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I understand Curling. That high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
