tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
