God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just invented taco cereal.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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