i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
