i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
