i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
