Buhtt sex?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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