We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
