8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
