my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
