someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
