don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
