Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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