I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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