Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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