I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My life is pants optional.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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