The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
