Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
