Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize