please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You ruined the universe
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
