So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
