drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize