He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize