He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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