U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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