the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
