census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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