I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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