New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dear god my vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
