you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
