Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
