how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
