i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
