She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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