Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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