so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
