You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
