Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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