Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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