One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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