Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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