i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
