Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
