I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
