My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize