do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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