i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
