It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
