There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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