just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
