thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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