420 ftw
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
