There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
