Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
