We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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