I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
