Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there is glitter all over my balls
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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