Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
