They should really pass out barf bags in church
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
