Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
