Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
