so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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