rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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