Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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