i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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