is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
