In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Shame is for Republicans.
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