Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
