Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize