Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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