Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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