my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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