tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
