every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nutella sex= disaster
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My feet surprised me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
