i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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