U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
