The best revenge is premature balding
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i now understand why vodka
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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