I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
